I wanted to do such a lot this weekend, clean my kitchen cupboards, mow the lawn, dig some more of the flower bed, plant and seed things, etc., instead I was dog tired. I crumbled each afternoon and crawled back into back for a couple of hours sleep. Every time this happens, alarm bells start ringing in my head, sounding 'virus virus virus'. And I still haven't done my bloodtests, because I am just too frightened of the result. I know that's bad and just being an ostrich with burying my head in the sand, and I swear I will do it this week. Found my blood forms again, they were right next to my bed. I reckon I just DIDN'T WANT to see them. Old learned behaviours creeping back in. Not good! I had to keep thinking about how I felt this time last year too and how much better in general I am now. Ok, so other parts of my body have started flailing, but that really could be just old age and general wear & tear. I have such a busy week ahead of me as well, I can't be tired. But maybe that's exactly why I feel so worn out ... because I don't want to be. Some weird paradox psychological reaction. Maybe the subconscious is just looking for excuses not to do what I have arranged for this week. Oh damnit ... I need to beat the inner 'Schweinehund'.One thing at the time ... picking up new, NHS paid for, spectacles tomorrow. That's the first thing!
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