The Big Bang

How did that Monty Python song go? "Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it" or something like that. Very true. Very profound. Very fitting!!!

As you all know by now, I was supposed to go and see Jello Biafra last Monday. During the day both of my dogs weren't very well, Pierrot was limping badly and Isis was being very wobbly. So I decided that I would not leave them on their own for about 5 - 6 hrs in the evening. I think it was more the worry about Isis that made me come to this decision. It's strange, but when she is not her usual self, I get the feeling that I might not have much time left with her, so I want to enjoy every remaining minute. Well, Pete went to the gig on his own. He always know somebody or other though, so that should have been ok. Little did I know what exactly was going on in his head. I also have to say, that Pete is not a person, who goes out to enjoy himself. He is always looking for trouble, although he won't start any on his own accord (or so he says). But he is always on guard if somebody looks at him funny or he feels they talk about him behind his back (which incidentally includes me). Anyway, he went and got back about midnight. Tanked up and, as I had to realise, aggro'ed up too. Apparently he was elbowed by somebody and another guy whispered about him. So when he got in, I asked him how it was. And the whole world broke loose!!!! He told me that he couldn't do THIS anymore - i.e. living with me the way we do, me saying 'my' dogs, me treating him like he is surplus to requirements etc. Didn't know I was doing that, I always felt it was the other way round. And strictly speaking, the dogs are mine, I paid for them, pay for their food and take 90% responsibility for dog walking (unless I am away for a few days). Never mind, as far as he is concerned they are 'our' dogs. Fine by me! I will now point that out every time he tries to shirk his responsibilities for them. Then I said to him, that we are living together as friends. He blew up and said: "When have you ever known me to be friends with somebody who lied to me?" This is going back over 18 months, when I didn't tell him that I was meeting an old friend of mine when I went to Malta just a week before starting my HepC treatment. Ok, yes, I lied then. But I did it partly because we had just broken up and I knew he would jump to the wrong conclusions and partly also because I didnt want any aggro before I went. Shoot me! Then I enquired what other lies? He said: 'Many!', but couldn't name one. Hmmmm ... And then he came out with the bombshell, that he was still 'sitting around waiting for us to get back together again'. Excuse me, he can't be friends with me, but wants a relationship???? This is just crazy. Things have calmed down again, but they have affected me big time. I think I need to seriously start looking into moving out as he said to me that he is not going anywhere, which of course implies, I either play by his rules or I go. Sounds very familiar ....

Training by the way was excellent, despite watching dvd's of people injecting (and making a right hash of it). Dogs were fine with Kathia, too. But now I have a problem with that again. Kathia's dad died Friday night, he had non-Hodgins lymphoma, just over 70! So of course, my friend has gone over to Germany for the funeral and to give her mum support. Which in due course means: no dog walker for a few weeks. I hope that doesn't sound selfish. It isn't meant that way. This weeks training luckily is a 1 day placement, which I can split into 2 half days. Next week Pete is on holiday and he can fulfill his part of dog ownership *g* After that there is only one more week of course to go. Will have to see what happens by then.

I am so glad that Kittie is coming on Friday. We will be out and about and it will distract me from my drudgy life. I have so had enough ....