So, yesterday's post was just writing down what I felt. Now a bit more background. I know at my age a birthday shouldn't be a great deal anymore. But it is important to me for various reasons. I never had a birthday party when I was a child, Mother didn't allow it. I never had a birthday party whilst I was living the drug life, it's just not something that occupies your mind when you have to concentrate to get enough heroin into your body to make you feel like even living another day. Since I was about 30, I tended to give that day in the year a lot more attention and I had a few nice (and not so nice) get-togethers. As my birthday is in the glorious summer month of August, it was over the last few years a reason to come together with some friends and have something to eat and to drink. This year I just wanted to carry on the tradition. About 10 days ago I send phone texts to 16 people and asked to RSVP. Two friends got back to me, saying that they were away on 29th August, which is absolutely fine. I am not that self-contrived that I expect mates to plan their holidays around my birthday hah!!! One person got back to me, saying he would come. This chap is somebody I know through my work in the youth homeless hostel and have kept in touch with. Great!!! I would have loved to see him again. Nobody else even bothered to text back!!! Now how is that for FRIENDS??? I feel like deleting all those names from my mobile phone and xmas card list. WTF is it all about? Oh yes, and the housemate and ex gave me a great big frown at the mere mention of a BBQ/party. But that is always the case and I usually ignore it. Now then, I don't wallow in self-pity because I have no friends as that is not strictly true. I am sure some of my overseas friends would love to be here, it's just not practical. What I am angry and disappointed about is, that the people who I have known close to 20 odd years, can't even send a text saying, that they can't/won't/don't want to come. That is the issue here. And that is what hurts. But hey ... fuck them all! I will have a good day tomorrow. I am meeting up with prospective new employer at 11am, then I will take myself to lunch to my favourite Italian restaurant. I will wine and dine myself and flirt with the Italian waiter just because I can! I will have an early night as the course starts on Thursday (which I am really excited about by the way). Then on Saturday I will push the boat out ... one the size of the SS Great Britain hehe. I am planning to go and see Bill Bailey at the Hippodrome if I can still get a ticket. Thereafter I will pop around the corner to my favourtie punk/goth pub and have a few bevvies. I usually bump into a few known faces when I go there, so this might be quite good fun. And if there is nobody I know, I probably get to know some new folks. Maybe that's all I need ... some new human influx. So there, I am sorted! I am not pining and I feel good about it. Just wish I could stop thinking about why those 'so-called friends' care so little about me. But even those negative vibes will pass eventually.I raise my coffee cup in anticipation of things to come :-)
I will toast to you, Fishy! Fuck the rude friends. Make some new ones. I know you have the capacity. I love you tons and wish you many, many more happy birthdays.
ReplyDeleteYour plans sound wonderful to me.
Thanks SB ... wish I could fly you in for the occasion *g* we'd have a blast :)
ReplyDeleteSunday afternoon I was having dinner with my son and grandchildren in a restaurant and a large table next to me had 2 seats empty. Suddenly a man and women walked in and the 10 people already there yelled 'Surprise.' I was insanely jealous, it wasn't even a year that ended with a '0,' she was 54 - I couldn't find 10 or 11 people to organize a party for me if my life depended on it. At my age, I've learned to let it go. (I did have birthday parties when I was a child.) For my last birthday, I took my son and his kids out to lunch, then to a childrens' museum and I picked up the check at both places - and I consider that to be a great birthday.
ReplyDeleteI'll be thinking of you on the 30th.
Fishy, I would have been there if I didn't live across the ocean on another continent. I hope that you enjoy your special day. And it is your day regardless of those rude people who didn't respond. Maybe they didn't learn what RSVP means?
ReplyDeleteWe would have a blast, for sure, Fishy!
ReplyDeleteLove,
SB
We didn't really do birthdays when I was a kid, and I've found it impossible to get used to the idea. Also I found being centre of attention just because I was getting OLD really weird ...
ReplyDeleteThanks for the offer you made me I will give you my email address after this one. The a-in a circle will just be spelled "at" because I heard spammers browse the web looking for that symbol then send unheard of amounts of rubbish to whatever addresses they find.
I'm not doing too well at avoiding heroin. Basically I'm going to have to change my phone, because every day I try to go without the phone won't stop ringing with you-know-who type people ...
the address is: hammynutter at lycos (dot com)
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