Dug myself into a hole again and can't get out. Continously doubting myself, feeling worthless, useless, friend-less, mood-less, emotion-less .... to be continued at liberty. I think I will cancel the BBQ on the 29th, seems like nobody I care about can make it anyway. Maybe at my age I shouldn't 'celebrate' birthdays anymore anyway. More a time of mourning for lost youth ... although that of course wasn't too great either. Thought I would perk up a bit with starting the training next week and having a workshop coming up, but no, it just seems to make it worse. But no, I am still not going onto anti-d's! Ok it would get me out of the hole probably, but I wouldn't reach any heights, so what's the point. Bugger, I just needed a moan. Sorry!!!Tuesday, 18 August 2009
Low self-esteem ....
Dug myself into a hole again and can't get out. Continously doubting myself, feeling worthless, useless, friend-less, mood-less, emotion-less .... to be continued at liberty. I think I will cancel the BBQ on the 29th, seems like nobody I care about can make it anyway. Maybe at my age I shouldn't 'celebrate' birthdays anymore anyway. More a time of mourning for lost youth ... although that of course wasn't too great either. Thought I would perk up a bit with starting the training next week and having a workshop coming up, but no, it just seems to make it worse. But no, I am still not going onto anti-d's! Ok it would get me out of the hole probably, but I wouldn't reach any heights, so what's the point. Bugger, I just needed a moan. Sorry!!!
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Fishy,
ReplyDeleteI'm your friend, so you are not friendless certainly. If I lived across the pond, I would come to your BBQ, and I'm a vegetarian. How's that for a friend?
I love you.
Aww, Fishy- I'm sorry you're feeling down. I would also come to your BBQ if I could! Sending you big hugs!
ReplyDeleteOh, Fishy...I'm so sorry you're at this low place. If this really is just a moan - well, now you've had it, so pick yourself up and get interested in something. After your highly successful birthday last year, you can't expect every birthday to live up to that. I'm your friend, too, I would also be at your BBQ if I was around.
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself.
Lucy/Hope
Fish, I wish that you would do the BBQ and enjoy your birthday party. I will be there in spirit. Hang in there. The self-pity gig is a bad one for me to do. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteWish I could be there for your birthday. Now its two I've missed. Remember, you've accomplished a lot this past year. Just beating the hcv was huge.
ReplyDeleteToday is a new beginning and you have lots to look forward to. Just have the bbq and see who shows up. I hope the weather is nice and you can get some sun.
By the way....My birthday is a week before Christmas and everyone overlooks it.