Don't know, but with trying to stop smoking all my energies seem completely drained, my memory has become a sieve and I am genuinely lacking interest in anything more than taking the dogs out. Somehow I feel that I am giving up my last 'naughty' bit and have nothing left. Life has ground to a halt and I have no idea how to kick-start it again. Not good this sort of limbo ... nothing to look forward to ... nothing to do ... nothing but while away time. For what? Just waiting to die. Me!!! I should be dying with a fag in one hand, a bottle of vodka in the other shouting "Weeeeeeeeee" with enjoyment. I can't concentrate on anything, not even the crochet let alone playing guitar or watching TV. I wonder if this is really worth it. Seriously I do. Tried to patch together childhood memories the last few days. I had to realise, that I have hardly got any. Can't remember any birthday, Christmas, holiday, school days or friends. Why is it all blocked out? What happened when I was a kid? This is scary stuff! Maybe it is just because no photos exist of me as a child? My father burned everything that reminded him of me and my mother after the divorce. Maybe I would be able to remember something if there was a few photos. The only picture I remember is when I was about 13. And I don't even know where that one is. It makes me sad! Somehow I have no childhood ....
The depression that comes with giving up smoking - you know you can never have another cigarette for the rest of your life - means that the worst physical side effects are over, but the mental ones are harder to shake. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteThat makes me sad for you, Fishy--about your childhood. Hang in there with the smoking. It will get easier. Everything in this life takes time to get over.
ReplyDeleteMuch love to you,
SB
You've been tagged.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, you got it inside you to do it.
As everyone's said, hang in there. It really does get easier, not smoking. Just wait--it will get better, emotionally and mentally, and you might start to notice some improvements in your physical health too. It's worth it.
ReplyDeleteThat is sad about no photos. I went overboard, photographed every moment to the point it got ridiculous and boring. I have weeded through and tried to keep only the best.
ReplyDeleteBut yes, pictures are tangible evidence that events happened.
You could try valium, but maybe I shouldn't say that. Alcohol is a nono surely. Most people who do both do them together... erm
ReplyDeleteo yeah your colour scheme ~ I couldn't read it without highlighting it!